Preparing for another BFN

When I last posted we were waiting to hear how our remaining 5 embryo's were doing and if they were going to make it. Unfortunately they became too fragmented and succumbed, leaving us with the 2 that were transferred and another 4 in the freezer. Since then we have been treading water waiting for the 2 week wait to be over. In that time you tend to go through phases where you feel incredibly positive that this is your time for success and then there are other times when you get that awful sinking feeling of another failure. That sinking feeling has grown over the past few days, as Friday night I started bleeding. Three days before our Beta Hcg blood test (due Monday) I have been bleeding quite heavily. This has never happened in any of our previous IVF cycles. The progesterone creams and suppositories you use twice daily are meant to stop this. Trying to remain optimistic over the weekend has been difficult as the bleeding hasn't stopped and to be honest I am not expecting good news tomorrow. 

Having been a hard worker and reasonably high achiever at school I don't handle the feeling of failure terribly well. However, IVF isn't exactly the same as preparing for an exam. My motto at school used to be that if I put in 110% then nobody (myself included) could ask anymore of me. This whole fertility thing doesn't work the same. Some of the process is out of your control, but when you come up short, the feeling of failure is just as bad if not worse than how I felt the first ballet exam I ever failed. I gave ballet away after failing that exam (the first and only exam I ever failed). I understand that struggling to have a baby doesn't quite compare with failing a ballet exam, but the devastation of not succeeding is something that I personally struggle with. Unlike the ballet this is something that we will not give up on. We cant imagine our lives without a child/children in them and to this end we will push on no matter the outcome tomorrow.

KV's Chicken Soup for the Soul

Since our last post there has been plenty and nothing much going on all at the same time. Our scan day was Monday 30/8/2010 and the indication was that there were around 9 follicles. Team QFG were happy - apparently with the flare cycle they are looking for less eggs, but better quality. However, being the high achiever that I am I was disappointed in the number. Trigger injection was 11:45pm that evening - Nanna Newell had to set her alarm as I am normally either passed out on the lounge or in bed by this time!! Tuesday was a nothing day - no needles thank god as my tummy was beginning to look like a war zone. Up early Wednesday morning 1/9/2010, had to go in to work to do ordering and pays before heading off to day surgery for egg retrieval. I was last on the list and found it hard to keep my eyes open waiting for my turn and the theatre staff gave me heaps for power napping in the holding bay when I finally got on the table. Fast track an hour or so and I come around in recovery feeling a little sore. A bit of pethidine helped with that and while I was luxuriating in the pethidine the QFG scientist paid me a visit to let me know that they got 17 eggs out and it was no wonder I was sore. A few were a little immature so they weren't expecting miracles there, but they were expecting a good fertilization rate. Thursday we get the call to say 11 had fertilized. Wow - that's a cricket team if I am the 12th man. Friday we found out that they are all still going ok and transfer would be 8am Saturday - which is a day 3 transfer. Up until now it has been the transfers that have caused the biggest problem for us - well me and my tight cervix. This time, at egg retrieval, the Dr decided to dilate the cervix in the hope that it would make transfer easier for me and the embryo's and this along with pain relief and a good dose of valium seemed to do the trick. Infact the Dr and nurses are suprised how well I am doing given the number of eggs collected. I put it down to Kylie's homemade chicken soup - chock full of the 5 food groups has helped in a speedy recovery.

Since Wednesday I haven't been doing a great deal as per Dr's orders and the little embryo's have been busy dividing and growing as per this little chart.

We have 4 that have been day 3 frozen and the remaining 5 they are watching to see how they have  progressed - more on that tomorrow when we speak to the clinic.

So at this stage we have 2 gorgeous little embryo's onboard, hopefully making themselves right at home as we post this blog update.