Hatched by two Chicks

The Off Season

2011-01-23T09:50:00.000+10:00

Hi all,

It has been an age since we have posted to our blog. I in particular have retreated to the safety of my cave after our November frozen embryo transfer was cancelled due to insufficient endometrial lining. That news was not even a consideration for us at the time and as such came as a shock. We were devastated to be told we would have to wait until 2011 to try again. In the lead up to the November cycle we had discussed other IVF options and had booked an appointment with a specialist in Brisbane who specializes in the more mature ladies with fertility issues - which is exactly where I fall. With the cancelled cycle we cut our losses up here in Townsville and decided to see what Dr Wazza could do for us in Brisvegas. He is considered a bit of a cowboy amongst fertility circles, but gets results with aggresive treatment protocols. He spent 2 hours with us going over all of our options and we walked out blown away with what he is going to do for us and with a renewed vigour for the whole baby making process. We have also been spending the off season spending time with a holistic fertility counsellor called Sharon. She has been helping us re-frame the whole IVF experience so that it is less clinical and more spiritual. She and our Yoga teacher Kerry have been our shining lights through this very difficult time. All in all we have re-grouped and are ready to hop back on the IVF band wagon for 2011.

Stressed Out

2010-10-25T07:59:00.000+10:00

Not for years have I felt as low as I have this past month. Completely disillusioned with work and outside of work, IVF and my body’s inability to become pregnant. I feel like a mouse running on a wheel unable to get off or better still unable to find my way out of one of those huge hedge mazes with dead ends every which way I turn. This past 4-6 weeks at work has been like a bad nightmare that you can’t wake up from. It has left me feeling uncomfortable every time I set foot in the building, paranoid every time someone speaks to me, stricken with anxiety every time I get in the car to drive to work. And this is on top of the stress involved with the IVF. I am drawing very near to breaking point and have recognised that we need to make some lifestyle changes and soon if we or me more to the point is going to see the year out in one piece.

I am certain that the amount of stress and duress I have been under at work has definitely impacted negatively on our chances of success in the baby making game. Having spoken to some friends today who have been fortunate enough to get a BFP on their first IVF cycle and their approach to it all, I am convinced that the current stress associated with work for me is a major issue that needs to be addressed. My problem is I don’t know where to start. Perhaps it’s time to take a break and get some perspective as I am struggling to sort through my negative feelings towards work and the people associated with it.

With respect to the IVF we have made the most progress in that for this next frozen transfer we are combining acupuncture with some new drugs to aid embryo implantation. Also, if this next transfer doesn’t work then we have booked an appointment with another QFG specialist down in Brisbane for the end of November. This particular Dr is considered a bit of a cowboy in fertility circles in that he will do whatever it takes to get you pregnant and he is also a specialist in treating older women– that’s what we want!! When you are at a smorgasboard you want to try everything on offer.

Preparing for another BFN

2010-09-19T18:10:00.000+10:00

When I last posted we were waiting to hear how our remaining 5 embryo's were doing and if they were going to make it. Unfortunately they became too fragmented and succumbed, leaving us with the 2 that were transferred and another 4 in the freezer. Since then we have been treading water waiting for the 2 week wait to be over. In that time you tend to go through phases where you feel incredibly positive that this is your time for success and then there are other times when you get that awful sinking feeling of another failure. That sinking feeling has grown over the past few days, as Friday night I started bleeding. Three days before our Beta Hcg blood test (due Monday) I have been bleeding quite heavily. This has never happened in any of our previous IVF cycles. The progesterone creams and suppositories you use twice daily are meant to stop this. Trying to remain optimistic over the weekend has been difficult as the bleeding hasn't stopped and to be honest I am not expecting good news tomorrow.

Having been a hard worker and reasonably high achiever at school I don't handle the feeling of failure terribly well. However, IVF isn't exactly the same as preparing for an exam. My motto at school used to be that if I put in 110% then nobody (myself included) could ask anymore of me. This whole fertility thing doesn't work the same. Some of the process is out of your control, but when you come up short, the feeling of failure is just as bad if not worse than how I felt the first ballet exam I ever failed. I gave ballet away after failing that exam (the first and only exam I ever failed). I understand that struggling to have a baby doesn't quite compare with failing a ballet exam, but the devastation of not succeeding is something that I personally struggle with. Unlike the ballet this is something that we will not give up on. We cant imagine our lives without a child/children in them and to this end we will push on no matter the outcome tomorrow.

KV's Chicken Soup for the Soul

2010-09-06T18:43:00.000+10:00

Since our last post there has been plenty and nothing much going on all at the same time. Our scan day was Monday 30/8/2010 and the indication was that there were around 9 follicles. Team QFG were happy - apparently with the flare cycle they are looking for less eggs, but better quality. However, being the high achiever that I am I was disappointed in the number. Trigger injection was 11:45pm that evening - Nanna Newell had to set her alarm as I am normally either passed out on the lounge or in bed by this time!! Tuesday was a nothing day - no needles thank god as my tummy was beginning to look like a war zone. Up early Wednesday morning 1/9/2010, had to go in to work to do ordering and pays before heading off to day surgery for egg retrieval. I was last on the list and found it hard to keep my eyes open waiting for my turn and the theatre staff gave me heaps for power napping in the holding bay when I finally got on the table. Fast track an hour or so and I come around in recovery feeling a little sore. A bit of pethidine helped with that and while I was luxuriating in the pethidine the QFG scientist paid me a visit to let me know that they got 17 eggs out and it was no wonder I was sore. A few were a little immature so they weren't expecting miracles there, but they were expecting a good fertilization rate. Thursday we get the call to say 11 had fertilized. Wow - that's a cricket team if I am the 12th man. Friday we found out that they are all still going ok and transfer would be 8am Saturday - which is a day 3 transfer. Up until now it has been the transfers that have caused the biggest problem for us - well me and my tight cervix. This time, at egg retrieval, the Dr decided to dilate the cervix in the hope that it would make transfer easier for me and the embryo's and this along with pain relief and a good dose of valium seemed to do the trick. Infact the Dr and nurses are suprised how well I am doing given the number of eggs collected. I put it down to Kylie's homemade chicken soup - chock full of the 5 food groups has helped in a speedy recovery.

Since Wednesday I haven't been doing a great deal as per Dr's orders and the little embryo's have been busy dividing and growing as per this little chart.

We have 4 that have been day 3 frozen and the remaining 5 they are watching to see how they have progressed - more on that tomorrow when we speak to the clinic.

So at this stage we have 2 gorgeous little embryo's onboard, hopefully making themselves right at home as we post this blog update.

Psychopathic Hormonal Meltdown

2010-08-24T20:37:00.000+10:00

Last Thursday I started the stimulating injections for our Flare IVF Cycle. This cycle the Dr has increased my dose and boy have I felt it. I have spent the last 4-5 days feeling like a crazed psychopathic recovering drug addict. I have felt completely irrational, out of control and an emotional basket case. Not sure whether I was having a break down for real, or whether it was the caffeine ban Kylie had imposed or the hormone injections. Today when my blood results came back high I had my answer - the hormone injections!! My E2 level was 2,442 - put in perspective, the last cycle my E2 level was 600. No wonder I have been crazy out of my mind. The clinic nurse reassured me I wasn't going mad, it would be the huge dose of hormones that pushed me over the edge. I am really starting to feel like I am carrying around a pair of grapefruits in my pelvis to add to the hormonal craziness. From tomorrow I have to reduce my injection dose for the rest of the week and our day 12 scan is next Monday to assess follicle number and size.

Getting Back on the Horse

2010-08-18T19:22:00.000+10:00

Well it was only 48 hours ago we found out that our frozen embryo transfer hadn't worked. Once again we were guttered. As you do when you are at work you put on a brave face and soldier on whilst breaking your heart on the inside. As I drove home the flood gates opened and the tears finally flowed. This sux - I am starting to believe that nice guys really do come last. When do good things happen to good people? Your hear that saying all the time, well when is it our time? We have spent the last couple of days feeling sad and angry at the world waiting for day one of my period to ring the clinic to find out what happens next. So this morning I wake up and yep I have my period. Suprised to be honest as the clinic nurse said may come by the end of the week. Anyway, we give the clinic a call and find out that they can fit us in for a September 1 egg retrieval if we want. Well of course we want to push on as soon as possible, so with some rearrangement of the work roster we are locked in for Wednesday September 1st. We have an appointment with the nurses tomorrow morning to collect our stash of drugs and receive my first injection. Talk about a whirlwind 48 hours - with no time to think about what lay ahead as we begin our second fully stimulated IVF cycle.

Last One Standing

2010-08-09T17:26:00.000+10:00

Well, we have been keeping quite low key about our latest cycle which began July 12. We were planning on not telling a soul in an attempt to maybe reduce some of the pressure of that whole perceived success and failure thing. However, it wasn't as easy as we thought especially with members of both our family's asking where we were at with everything etc - I just couldn't fib and keep a straight face so I caved first! Then we thought what the heck - we have been out there about our whole journey thus far so why start being secretive now. We are so not good at secretive.

This cycle was to be a natural frozen embryo transfer of our remaining 2 embryo's. The first half of the cycle only required the antenatal vitamins and aspirin to be taken - hence the "natural" part! Scan day was Friday July 23 and the purpose of this was to check that the uterine lining was ready (7mm thick) for an embryo to implant. Mine was only 5mm and definitely not ready. I was crushed - I really started to think - what the hell is wrong with me - I just want to be gynaecologically normal for once! The Dr reassured me it was better to work with the body and cycle on this and to come back on the Sunday for another scan to see if the lining had thickened up. Sunday's scan we got the green light - yay not all was lost we would be able to proceed with a transfer this cycle. Trigger injection was Monday night - this makes you ovulate and transfer was scheduled for Monday August 2. In the mean time the progesterone injections, pessaries, gel and tablets began to help cosy up the uterine lining even more in readiness for the little embryo to nestle in and call home. The last hurdle is the embryo thaw. There is always a 5% chance that they don't survive the thaw. You get the call from the scientist the morning of transfer to let you know if you know if there are any embryo's to proceed with transfer - it is an agonizing wait. Our call came at 9:30am and Linda said one was doing really well, the other not so well so we would definitely have 1 to transfer, possibly 2, but we wouldn't know until we got to the clinic that afternoon. So doped up on Valium to help relax everything and stop uterine contractions we arrive at the clinic to find out that our weaker embryo had succumbed - such a nice way of saying it had died. At that point you don't really have any time to mourn that loss as you have have to prepare to transfer the remaining strong embryo - pictured below. The transfer was a little painful, but much easier than our last all thanks to the surgery, cranio-sacral visceral therapy and the valium. Now we wait, take more drugs and wait and wait some more - this is affectionately known as the dreaded two week wait to get the blood test to find out if all this effort has been worthwhile. I along with every other individual trying to get pregnant would love for the human body to give us an early sign - like a flashing light or nipples turning green - the not knowing is the hardest thing to deal with in this time. All you can do is keep yourself busy (work is definitely helping out there), but it is never far from the forefront of your mind. So until August 16 - you can all wait for the news along with us.

Baking is all about preparation

2010-07-10T20:51:00.000+10:00

Whilst we haven't been incredibly active on the blog in the past 4-6 weeks, we have been busy preparing for our next IVF cycle. The next cycle will be a natural frozen embryo transfer where there are no drugs taken in the first 2 weeks and then drug support in the luteal phase following transfer of our two remaining embryos.

Like baking a cake, making a baby can require all sorts of preparation. During the past month or so I have had a Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy which uncovered a few problems which may have reduced our chances of success. The right fallopian tube is blocked, there was some endometriosis and adhesions and the cervix was difficult to dilate up, but they got there in the end. For us the frustrating part is that this wasn't discovered earlier. The downside to being a same sex couple accessing IVF is that it is generally assumed your are fertile until proven otherwise which can be a costly exercise. We have also visited the clinic psychologist to help process how we were feeling about the failed cycle and how to mentally prepare for what happens next. Anyhoooooo, hopefully our preparation and perseverance will provide the results we are hoping for.

In addition, we have taken the complete superstitious route and removed all things baby from the house, got ourselves a parsley plant for the boudoire (meant to help with fertility apparently) and are happy to hear of any other old wives tales which may be helpful. So now it is a matter of pre-heating the oven while we wait for our specialist to return from a month's holiday and for my period to arrive.

The next installment

2010-05-29T20:34:00.000+10:00

Since we last posted we have had a few appointments with our Dr and an appointment with the clinic psychologist. Our appointments with the Dr were to go over our failed IVF cycle and to find out why he thought we weren't successful. Somewhat frustrated and despondent, we went armed with a list of questions and had a lengthy discussion with the specialist. Although Dr's never like to admit liability, our Dr felt the difficult embryo transfer may have been a factor in our failure. He suggested a Laparoscopy, Hysteroscopy, hydrotubation and endometrial biopsy with cervical dilatation if required. Given my previous endometriosis and fibroid removal there may be a few issues that need to be sorted. This surgery is scheduled for Monday afternoon. I guess we feel some level of satisfaction that something is being done, but at the same time a little annoyed that these examinations weren't considered initially before proceeding to IVF. Anyway as our psychologist says 'it is what it is' and no amount of mental dissection is going to change what has happened. All we can do is wait for the next piece of information (following Monday's surgery) and work from that. We will do our best, but it is hard - probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Two Weeks On

2010-05-16T19:08:00.001+10:00

So, we are nearly two weeks on since being dumped on our arses and whilst we are doing ok, there is still very much a feeling of an apple that's been cored. A hollowness,frustration and anger that is difficult to move on from. We have been doing loads of research into various aspects of our treatment cycle that could possibly be improved and hope to discuss this with our specialist this week. Through the course of searching I stumbled across this poem which resonated strongly with both of us and I'm sure all of us could apply it to a multitude of situations.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road your trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
and you want to smile but you can only cry
When care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must, but never quit
Life is weird with its twists and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turns about
when we might have won ...had we stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another go
Success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the 'cloud of doubt'
You can never tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight with your hardest hit
Because its when things seem worse
YOU MUST NOT QUIT..

However, uplifting and inspirational this verse is, I will go to my grave smiling with a gorgeous friend's text message of support ringing in my ears:

"Sorry to hear your news - that's F-k'd - I wanna go punch God for yous"

Yeah - what she said!!

MegaDrop

2010-05-09T11:02:00.000+10:00

It has taken us til now to get to the point of feeling like we want to blog about the events of this week. Our life has been like the MegaDrop ride at the Royal Show. Slowly lifted to the sky over the past 4-6 weeks and dumped on our arse in seconds on Tuesday when we found out our first IVF cycle didn't work. We have felt physically and emotionally gutted this week. After such a physical, emotional and financial investment it bites the big one to come away with next to nothing - words do not even come close when trying to describe how we feel. We have since found out that the difficult embryo transfer may have significantly affected our chances of success. So much so that our chances of implantation may have been reduced to 10%. Kylie is furious and I am oscillating between feeling despair and anger. Of course we need to move on as we still have a goal to achieve, but I must admit that I am finding it hard to pick myself up and dust myself off given we haven't yet had the opportunity to debrief with the clinic nurses and Dr about what has happened. This hopefully will happen in the coming week or two and we will then be able to re-focus on our plan with the remaining 2 iced NewVoes. Thankyou to everyone who has offered a empathic ear and support this past week. You have all been wonderful at a time when the right words are difficult to find.

Introducing Luke and Leia

2010-04-26T21:34:00.000+10:00

Hi there folks. I had intended updating this blog within a day or 2 of Luke and Leia being transferred, but it has been a rough few days. Let's start with the transfer itself - there were a few problems passing through the cervix due to a "kink". Luke and Leia were none the wiser, but my cervix felt like it had 3 rounds with the great Cassius Clay!! After 15-20 minutes of mucking about, cervical clips and holding my butt up off the table the tiny two had found a comfy fold in my uterus. Anyway that hasn't been the worst of it!! Wednesday was the day 6 Pregnyl injection. Just as I thought I was on the mend, Thursday morning found me doubled over with cramps, vomiting and the squits. I was in so much pain I was sweating profusely and thought I was going to faint. Let me tell you, IVF is not for the faint-hearted, in fact I recall Kyvo saying she was glad it was me and not her as she would have had an ambulance on the way for her. So Thursday and the best part of Friday were spent on the couch. To add insult to injury we received a letter from the clinic saying we only had 2 Embryo's to freeze - this meant that the other 6 didn't make it. Talk about under whelmed given all the effort, but this is nature taking it's course and those 6 probably wouldn't have made it anyway. Saturday morning I felt a little brighter and of course this meant that day 9 Pregnyl injection was on the cards.The injection itself stings a little, but not too bad. It's the after effects which you wake up to the next day that bite the big one. Cramps, Nausea, unable to stand up straight due to pain and bloating!! Sunday and Monday I have not felt too flash, but tonight I have started sucking on some ice and have started to fell a little better. Couldn't come at a better time as I am due to fly to Brisbane tomorrow morning to work for the rest of the week. The positive is that there are no more needles until blood test day on Tuesday 4/5/2010. Just pessaries and cream now to keep the hormones kicking along - ah the joys of IVF hey girls!!

Well that's about the size of my stone for now. Below are some piccies of or much loved Day 5 Blastocysts and the other iced NewVoe's are in the deep freeze for now.

What a Week

2010-04-19T18:42:00.001+10:00

I have been meaning to jump on-line and update the blog, as so much has happened. However, because so much has been happening I either haven't had time or haven't felt like it.

So let me back track a little. By blood test day 6/4 I was starting to feel quite full in the pelvis and somewhat bloated.The blood results checking my E2 levels were good so I stayed on the same dose of Gonal F which was 150iu every morning. Scan day was Tuesday 13/4 and this showed 14 mature follicles so Egg Pick Up (EPU) was scheduled for 10am Thursday 15/4. That night (13/4) I had to have a trigger injection of Pregnyl 1500iu. Let me tell you - it stung like a Beeeartch!! On EPU day, feeling considerably bloated off we went to Townsville Day Surgery where all the staff were fantastic. The past few days haven't exactly been a walk in the park recovering from the EPU, but survivable. I recommend a supportive, caring partner to look after you (thanks Kyvo), Panadeine, Panadeine Forte, Maxalon and a heat pack. At EPU and Embryo Transfer, you can only wash with non-perfumed soap and you are NOT to use any deoderant or perfumes, and nor is anyone you come in to contact with. Apparently the eggs, sperm and resultant embryo's are quite sensitive to these. At EPU they got 12 eggs, 8 of which have fertilized. We are thrilled - it's almost surreal to think that we have 8 potential babies. Tomorrow 20/4 is our day 5 Embryo Transfer. We are putting 2 Embryo's back to maximise the chances of conception. Fill you in on this after Luke and Leia have found their way into a comfy uterine fold. Below are some pictures of what the eggs look like post extraction, a Zygote (24hrs post fertilization) and a day 2-3 Embryo.

An Egg Hunt of a Different Kind

2010-04-06T21:37:00.000+10:00

Where to start…..well I have been incredibly slack in updating our blog, but in my defence I have been reasonably busy with work, the start of IVF and Easter.

So, to the IVF update. Tuesday March 23^rd saw the start of the Synarel nasal spray. One puff in one nostril in the morning and one puff in the alternate nostril at night – to be administered exactly 12 hours apart. Cue the alarm!! I haven’t had too many problems with the spray to date. On a few occasions I have had a little bit of a hangover type head and the spray itself doesn’t taste that great when it runs down the back of the throat, but all in all no major drama’s. The spray is designed to stop the communication between the pituitary gland and the ovaries so that when the follicle stimulating drugs begin, it is the FSH that completely control what happens to the ovaries.

On Friday April 2 the Gonal F injections started. These are given once a day and help stimulate the ovaries to produce as many follicles (and eggs) as possible in one go. Sunday night I started to feel a little bloated and full in the pelvis – a good sign that the Gonal is doing its job in turning the normally walnut sized ovaries in to the size of oranges – lucky me!!

Today I had a blood test which tests for the Oestradiol levels in the blood. This level gives the clinic an indication of how well the ovaries are responding to the Gonal injections. We will get the results tomorrow afternoon and from these the dose of FSH is adjusted as required

The Stash

The Snort

The Jab

Babies Galore

2010-02-14T18:03:00.001+10:00

Well it has been a while since either of us last posted on our blog. Busy - yes, not a huge amount to report - yes, slack - maybe a little!!

Anyways here I am with an update not only about where we are at with our journey, but with baby news that spans our enormous nation. Lets start with everyone else's news first (a bit more exciting than ours at this point!). January saw some very dear friends of ours welcome a gorgeous little girl in to the world. Lily was conceived on a first IVF attempt in 2009 and we have had the pleasure of spending some time with her and her Mum's this past week.

February has turned out to be "Baby Month". Friends of mine in Adelaide (Jo&Tim) had their second baby - Owen in the first week of Feb and just a few days ago Ben and Vee gave birth to a daughter Giselle. Also, friends Rachel and Glenn in Perth welcomed a boy, Taylor into their family after several difficult years of TTC and IVF (congrats guys you did it!!). However, it doesn't end there. Unexpectedly and 8 weeks early Kylie's brother and his wife delivered a small, but handsome young fellow called Jake (see below) in the wee small hours of Sunday night/Monday morning. Yep - Kylie is a first time Aunt and pretty darn chuffed about it all. The little fella has to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks so we haven't met him in person as yet, but as soon as we get the nod, a trip to Rockhampton is on the cards.

Now to our news - well we have spent the past couple of months doing the usual day to day stuff we call life. In addition, we have visited the IVF Psychologist a few times to help prepare for the whole process which in essence began for us on Monday. I am now on the pill to help regulate my cycle and get it to fit exactly with our egg retrieval which is scheduled for April 14. Towards the end of March we will have to see the Nurses to get the nasal spray and hormone injections which will begin April 1.

In closing we would love to congratulate every one on their new arrivals and for those like us who are trying (IVF-ers in particular) -some advice passed on to us - 'live your life and oh, by the way you're doing IVF'.

As one door closes...

2009-12-30T09:31:00.000+10:00

I have been meaning to jump on-line to update our blog following our meeting with the Nurse Coordinator at QFG. However, as most people will know and understand, this time of year can be somewhat hectic and time has gotten away from me. Anyways, after our last failed IUI, we had an hour long meeting with one of the nurses at the QFG clinic to discuss all aspects of IVF. I knew it was much more involved than the IUI, but came out of that meeting completely blown away by what lays ahead physically and financially in 2010. The whole process kicks off in February when I go on to the "pill". This helps regulate my cycle so that it is exactly 28 days and they also use it to manipulate your cycle to fit in with the pre-determined egg pick up date which for us is April 14 2010. Closer to this time the heavy duty drugs begin. It starts with a nasal spray to supress the ovaries, then injections to really hyper-stimulate them. From what we've been told the IVF process can knock you around a bit and I must admit there is an element of trepidation just at the thought of it all. However, we are trying to look at it as a blip on the radar when considering the bigger picture. So as the New Year approaches, we are hopeful that there may be a new addition to our nest.

Mother Nature 3 - Team NewVoe 0

2009-12-08T22:06:00.000+10:00

It is with a huge amount of disappointment that this entry is written - as we haven't had a positive result with our third IUI attempt.Whilst our previous failures have been bitter pills to swallow, this by far has been the most gut wrenching of them all. I think so many of our family and friends (us included) thought this was going to be the one that worked. People thought I had "that look, you know the glow", and although I didn't particularly feel any different Kyles and I held the hope that the younger donor may have been the key to our success. Unfortunately this time around it wasn't to be.

Just as this weeks Pearl of Wisdom asserts it is important that we not be defeated, but bravely forge ahead - and that is exactly what we intend to do. I mean what other choice is there? We would dearly love to have a child/children together and to give up on our dream at this point would almost be a sin.

We are realistic enough to know that we now have to cut our losses with the 10-15% success rate of the IUI's and move on to IVF which has a 35-40% success rate. So we are booked in for an IVF planning session with the clinic's nurses on thursday and from here we will work towards EPU late March early April 2010.

To finish off this post we would like to sincerely thank everyone for their prayers to the fertility godesses on our behalf!! While it appears they fell on deaf ears this time around, we will definately be needing them in approximately 16 weeks time.

Ups and Downs

2009-12-02T20:48:00.000+10:00

When we began the blog I had planned to keep things on the lighter side. However, I also feel it is important to be honest in documenting both the highs and lows of this process. My post today discusses one of our journey's lows.

As we approach "P" day I have experienced for the first time, difficulty in hearing and seeing other couples pregnancy joys. Not to be taken the wrong way, I couldn't be happier for each and every one of these people, but I just wish it was happening for us. I know our time will come and many before us have had just as many, if not more trials and tribulations along the way, but at the end of the day it's still tough. I am finding it hard to remain positive all the time when we face being unsuccessful yet again. This baby making caper can very easily be reduced to Success Vs Failure and repeated failure can quickly become disheartening. I know the jury is still out on this IUI and we have our IVF plan in place should we not get one up on Mother Nature, but right now I am finding it difficult to be up-beat about this whole process. I wish my body would just give me a freakin sign - put me out of my misery please. It is times like this that all those positive affirmations and words of wisdom (patience is a virtue) come in handy to get you through one day at a time.

Servicing the Mare

2009-11-24T18:20:00.000+10:00

We had to take our dog Basil to the Vet yesterday. Unfortunately he has several tumors (haemangiosarcoma) on his legs which means the cancer is already in his blood stream and spread has occurred. We took him to a rural/horse vet called Margaret for removal of 1 tumor and about 12 or so smaller masses were found at surgery. She was amazing and very caring given the bad news. Anyway, I digress..............when we arrived to pick Basil up Margaret was trotting a horse around. She informs us the horse had just been "serviced" - aka sexed up by a boy horse and to distract her and stop her from squatting and squirting out all the semen like last time she was keeping her moving. Now the clincher here is the boy horse is worth a lazy 10 million dollars (now that's some expensive sperm right there!!) - lets hope both the mare and I are equally sucessful following our "servicing"!! Tomorrow is my last accupuncture session for this cycle. The aim of this session is to stimulate blood flow to facilitate a cosy environment for the hopefully fertilised egg to nest. If nothing else it will be a good excuse to lay down and relax for an hour.

Yes, Yes, Ooooooo Yes

2009-11-19T17:58:00.000+10:00

As I write we hope that all of our young, virile handsome Harry's are making their way to our solo sensual Sally (on the right boys). Ovulation is expected sometime between 12noon and 6pm tonight and one can only hope that some sparks fly a-la diner style when these guys meet up - cue Barry White "Lets get it on". The insemination itself was pretty quick, but this time I was left laying down for about 15 minutes before being able to leave. This is a new development for us. Kylie suggested maybe the Dr thought we could use some "intimate time" to help things along. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh think again tiger - a clinical setting is hardly conducive to feeling randy let me tell ya. Apparently the laying down part is supposed to help get the little fella's heading in the RIGHT direction. So with 15 minutes to kill Kylie took the opportunity to give the boys a pep talk as to their job at hand and what direction to head in. Lets hope they listened. Now we wait..............arggghhhhh the dreaded two and a half week wait. Lucky for us part of this time will be taken up visiting family and friends in Adelaide - lots of pleasant distractions.

Introducing Handsome Harry and Sensual Sally

2009-11-17T19:54:00.000+10:00

Following a suggestion from a very dear friend, this month's egg and sperm have been aptly named Harry and Sally after the movie "When Harry met Sally". Lets hope there is plenty of I'll have what she's having on Thursday afternoon! We had our TV scan today which showed one dominant follicle on the right ovary just waiting for some young handsome swimmers to sweep her off her feet. That said, the Ovidrel injection is scheduled for 6am tomorrow morning and Insemination is booked for 12:15pm Thursday afternoon and hopefully a diner scene similar to the movie ensues.

Tired Musings from Brisvegas

2009-11-11T16:40:00.000+10:00

I am down in Brisbane working for the week. A change is as good as a holiday or so they say. I am working predominantly on my own in a small quiet practice which means very little interaction with others and way too much time with myself and my thoughts. Anyways; after my microwave TV dinner last night, I looked at myself in the floor to ceiling mirror opposite to where I was sitting and didn't particularly like what was looking back. I finally saw what Kylie has been seeing for the past few weeks. The shell of my former self. Yes I have lost about 6 kilos (some weight loss was planned when I started PT back in March), but this is more than just weight loss. I look exhausted and somewhat frail. A strained face with sunken pale eyes and colourless cheeks stared back at me. Eeeeeewwwww. I thought to myself - when and why did this happen and how come I am only seeing this now? All of which I have no definitive answer for at this point. I can only hypothesize and hope that I can work the answer out and make some changes to get the sparkle back in my eyes. While I have had a cold for the past 2 weeks which I am finding hard to shake off and which definately wont be enhancing my looks, Kylie has been saying for weeks that I dont look well and has expressed concern about my appearance. I hadn't seen it until last night(damn that mirror). So how and why do I find myself in this position? One word that springs to mind is STRESS. While I am not a high powered corporate type, I do manage a small group of staff which as most of you will know and understand can be difficult at times. My job(and its stresses) on its own is manageable. However, Kylie seems to think that work combined with the pressure of making a baby may be the perfect cocktail for a living breathing corpse type appearance (me at the mo). The only problem I have with this theory is that I dont feel that stressed about the baby making on a conscoius level. Most of the time I dont feel consumed (on a conscious level) by baby making. So if this is the case and this stress/pressure is on a sub-conscious level, how do I overcome it and "Relax" as so many people recommend?

Kyvo's Korner

2009-11-06T18:16:00.000+10:00

Hi All, I know it may appear that I am yet to contribute (in my own words) my feelings on how we are travelling through this journey of planned parenthood, and let me assure you I have been working on a little story for some time now.... but after this 2nd IUI attempt I feel compelled to release my thoughts onto our BLOG for you all...

Some people may think I reserve my emotions, and it may be that I am a little more guarded with how I feel about things. However, I would like to say that I like to live with the motto of the 'glass being half full, rather than half empty' ... (im an optimist) ... never the less i have shed a few tears over our last two attempts that haven't taken...

There is something that I feel being the partner in this situation that I have to be the strong one, the 'rock', so that Pete knows that I will be here and won't fall apart... I do feel incredibly balanced with this position I am in and it has been my choice to play this role.

I have done so much reading over the last few months on positive energy being so important in the process and I also dont want us to have too much focus on 'getting pregnant' as it can build up to be too much pressure. (And this is the last thing I would want for us, especially Pete to be feeling)

So there are just a few words from me, Kylie.... I hope you can understand that this is a journey that we are sharing and I am very much a part... maybe moreso the quiet optimist...

I will look to post my version of our start in this planned parenthood adventure and look forward to your comments.

Here's to our child hopefully being, "Hatched by two chicks"...

Mother Nature 2 - Team NewVoe 0

2009-11-06T16:14:00.000+10:00

You would think 300 million good quality sperm with a 5 hr head start combined with 2 eggs would be able to get the job done!!

Not to be this time.

Pissed off, disappointed, guttered - yep - who wouldn't be. There isn't anything anyone can say or do that will lessen how you feel, but it is heartening to know that you have these people in your life who are rooting for you every inch of the way - just as though they are experiencing the journey themselves. Thankyou x

However, at times like these you need to try and look at the big picture. We may have lost this battle, but we haven't lost the war. So after you have your little cry and spend a good 24 hours (or there abouts) feeling sorry for yourself there is nothing else to do, but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get ready for the next cycle.

With our initial sperm supplies down to 1 vial and a new batch of donors arriving from the US we thought it wise to go shopping as IVF now looks to be a very real prospect for us in 2010. For those of you unfamiliar with purchasing sperm let us enlighten you - the donor sperm only gets shipped out to Australia every 3 months and it is important to get in early to nab the lad of your choice as all the popular boys sell out quickly. We have been fortunate enough to score ourselves 2 vials of a young college buck. He was our number one pick so we are thrilled. It is not often you get your first choice so it is important to at least have a top 3 to save disappointment. We were going to save both vials of our new donor for IVF, but following this second failed attempt we have decided to use one vial of the newbie for our third and final IUI cycle. We figure a change of sperm may make the difference? At the end of the day it's not going to hurt to try something different.

So, all our Dr's appointments have been made, acupuncture is booked and Chinese herbs and vitamin supplements have been purchased. All that is left to do now is find some new names for this cycle's egg and sperm. Any suggestions?

One more sleep to go

2009-11-04T20:28:00.000+10:00

Well, we have been pretty quiet on the blog front these past few weeks. I guess we have tried busying ourselves as best we can to take our minds off the dreaded two week wait. Or in our case, the two and a half week wait (longer cycle!!). The wait has been made somewhat easier with my Mum and Nephew visiting for the past week. While poor 'ol Kyles hasn't had any time off work the rest of us have been ensconced in touristy type stuff the last few days. Mitch and Mum have visited Crystal Creek, The Strand, Riverway and Maggie Island and as their holiday draws to an end so too does our wait. We plan to do a home pregnancy test tomorrow morning to see if our second IUI has been successful. I for one am not feeling particularly confident at this stage. However, let me qualify this. In these two plus weeks I have found myself oscillating between positive feelings of hope which is then followed by my conscious mind trying to convince myself it's most unlikely that this IUI will have been any more successful than the last!! I think its my way of preparing and protecting my hormonal, fragile self for a negative result. That way if the result should be positive it will be a pleasant suprise!! This time tomorrow we will know if mother nature has taken a 2-0 lead over Team NewVoe or if Team NewVoe has triumphed!!

Breaking News

2009-10-20T17:41:00.000+10:00

News coming to hand................there has been an alleged stick up in the fall-opian tube. Reports are unable to be confirmed at this time. However, Clyde Barrow and 299 million other commuters in the tube on the afternoon of Monday 19/10/2009 were seen to be swimming upstream for their lives. Bonnie Parker 1 and her side kick Bonnie 2 were seen with guns blazing as they erupted from the left ovary headed for the tube around that time. It is hoped that Mr Barrow and some of his counterparts will be able to infiltrate the tough exterior that is currently housing Ms Parker and friend resulting in an outcome that will please all involved. More on these developments as they become available.

The Holiday and The Heist

2009-10-18T11:10:00.000+10:00

After our week away cruising around the Hinchinbrook on a houseboat we are feeling rested and ready for whatever this cycle brings our way. Not being at work meant no sneak peaks this month, which I think was probably a good thing. It meant that we could almost switch off from the whole process for a week and be pleasantly suprised by the outcome of scan day. Our scan on friday showed that there are 2 mature follicles on the left ovary and that we could proceed to insemination as long as we were happy to accept that there is an increased risk of twins should both eggs be fertilised. It was a no brainer for us given that we had no luck with one follicle last cycle -of course we would proceed. We were sent on our way with instructions for the Ovidrel injection to be given at 6am Sunday morning 18/10/09. Following our scan we went to our Acupuncture appointment which turned out to be really interesting. Michael believes (and I am inclined to agree) that there may be insufficient lining of the uterus for an embryo to find attractive enough for implantation, so the aim is to stimulate blood flow with the acupuncture and proliferate the endometrial lining with the Chinese Herbs.

So the scene is set - the heist of all heists is scheduled for 12:30pm Monday 19/10/09. Bonnie 1 and Bonnie 2 are hoping to join forces with 300 million courageous Clydes to pull off one of mother natures biggest miracles.

National Lampoons Vacation Voevodin Style

2009-10-09T23:00:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow we are off for a Voevodin family vacation on a houseboat up in the Hinchinbrook.

Kylie, Pete and Bonnie are planning to soak up some sun, catch a few fish and generally have a well earned rest. Between Kylie starting a new job and us trying to make a baby, the past 4-5 weeks has been pretty draining and we both feel like we are physically and emotionally exhausted. So a week to re-charge the batteries and switch off from the daily grind has come at a good time for us.

Bonnie has been busy breaking banks the past 3 months and needs some deserved time out to count her stash before she could even possibly consider joining forces with Clyde for their biggest heist yet. More on their rendezvous next friday 16/10.

Until then, think of us "Grinswold" style cruising around the Hinchinbrook!!

Holiday Roooaaaaaaadddooooaaaaadd..........

Mother Nature 1 - Team NewVoe 0

2009-10-06T23:09:00.000+10:00

Well it appears that Seth and Estelle's blind date wasn't the success that we had hoped it would be.

Whilst we are disappointed with the outcome we are realistic enough to know that the odds were not exactly stacked in our favour. Lets face it, a 10-15% sucess rate is hardly the odds you'd want to bet your house on!! Logically I know there isn't anything else I could have done or not done to improve our chances, but on some level I feel like I let the team down and need to apologise. I mean - Was my egg a dud? Was my uterus not inviting enough for a developing zygote? Were my hormones outta wack - not providing the right environment to support conception or an early pregnancy? Who knows and you could definitely send yourself mad worrying about such things, but at the end of the day this is mother nature you're dealing with and you need to remember that you have little to NO control over her and the hand she deals you.

Whilst we allowed ourselves yesterday to feel and deal with the frustration, anger and sadness of not having suceeded this cycle, today is another day and time to hop back on the horse, get motivated and think positive in preparation for the new cycle. In the true spirit of new day/new cycle, today the girls at my work helped us pick out new nick names for this months egg and super sperm - None other than the gangsters "Bonnie & Clyde". Stay posted for their adventures!!

Tomorrow heralds the start of taking the Serophene tablets for 5 days with scan day scheduled for Friday October 16. This time around we are going to try some acupuncture mid cycle to see if that provides any benefit. There is some research to suggest that acupuncture helps with fertility especially with those trying IVF. While we are not at IVF stage we figure it certainly cant hurt to pull out all stops and try.

A big thank you for your support and warm words of encouragement.

Business End of the Deal

2009-10-02T19:22:00.000+10:00

Well here we are....a few days out from D-Day....or should that be P-Day!! After being silly enough to do a pregnancy test 5 days after insemination thinking that we could possibly get a positive result and being devastated that of course it was negative we have decided to wait and see what nature brings our way. No testing the day before or on the day of the expected period, we will wait and see if I get my period....that in itself will be disappointing enough without feeling like we have "failed" with a Negative pregnancy test as well. Many people have said and will be thinking this is your first try and many people try many times before successfully falling pregnant, but generally these people have sperm on tap and there isn't the same preparation, costs and build up as with Artificial Insemination. Think Grand Final Footy - as with any build up resultant success is sweet, but failure can be devastating and this is what we are trying to keep in perspective. If we stumble at the first hurdle we will endeavour to use the outcome to inspire and encourage oursleves for the next cycle. If we succeed.......well I will be the first to go out and buy a lottery ticket. Until next week - may the force be with us.

The Blind Date

2009-09-21T20:09:00.000+10:00

Sooooooooooooo.....................
Picture it.............Sicily..........
Ummmm......Rather Townsville Day Surgery........Friday 18/9/2009
12:30pm (approx) When Seth the super sperm and 300 million of his super sperm mates headed from the rather chilly test tube to syringe, syringe to the warmth of the of the Uterine Lounge Bar in search of Estelle the egg. Seth had heard via the grapevine that Estelle was due to make her grand entrance any time and he was eager to get their blind date under way. While some would swim in cirlces, it would probably take Seth and some of his stronger counterparts a good 5 hours to make their way along the dimly lit tube to reach Estelle......Cue music (Start humming Afternoon Delight)!!
The IUI itself took less time than the 45 minute wait in the waiting area. Infact we were in and out in under 10 minutes. The procedure itself was pretty painless and I didn't suffer any cramping afterwards. It was an emotional time for the both of us.....we have spent a good 6 months preparing for this moment and it had finally come. I cant speak for Kylie, but I felt excited and overwhelmed at the enormity of what we are are doing and moved by the love and support of our family and friends. Thank you all for your thoughts and words of encouragement. It's now up to Estelle and Seth!! Fingers and legs crossed that they hit it off!!
Now the 2 week wait begins.

Batter Up

2009-09-17T19:51:00.000+10:00

Well............ all I can say is lucky I'm not really a betting lady!!

The cup did not runneth over as we had anticipated and this aint no dress rehersal!!
Mother nature did her own thing and completely blew us away by producing the 1 sought after dominant follicle. There were plenty of smaller follicles but one put its hand up and said pick me. Take your marks, get set, we are a goer!!!
Yesterday we left the clinic completely dumbfounded, but pleasantly so. We are at least a chance to conceive this cycle. Its a bit like a lottery - the odds are long, but you gotta be in it to win it.
After our TV Scan and subsequent good news, one of the nurses went through the administration of the Ovidrel injection. This stuff helps with the final maturation of the follicle and release of the oocyte(egg). The idea is that the egg is not left hanging around waiting for the sperm. If there is any waiting around to be done it is by the sperm which lives longer.
The injection had to be administered at 6am this morning, 30 hours prior to insemination. The injection itself was simple and painless. Kylie was planning to do it, but was worried she was going to hurt me. Whilst I tried to convince her this wouldn't be the case I totally understand her hesitation. If we dont strike it lucky this time around, maybe she will feel more comfortable sticking it to me next time!! So tomorrow morning our egg/s have a date with our donor sperm. Lets hope the blind date goes well and a long lasting relationship ensues.

A Sneak Peak

2009-09-13T09:07:00.000+10:00

I have a confession to make...........
Yes I cheated...........working in an x-ray department gives me access to Ultrasound every day. So it is tempting to sneak a look at the progress of my ovaries and their fledgling follicles. I know not every one has this opportunity, and I'm sure many people have different opinions about whether I should be sneaking a peak. However, you try living with a carrot being dangled under your nose daily and tell me you wouldn't be tempted to take a look. So look I did.........
Whilst part of me is glad I did, part of me walked away feeling prematurely deflated. 3 Follicles on the right and 5 on the left all of which appear to be racing to maturity with gay abandon.
1 or 2 is what we are aiming for NOT 8!!!! The frustrating part is that you cant put the brakes on this runaway train....nature decides its own destiny......and the total lack of control is exasperating. I guess there is the chance that some of these follicles wont mature, but if I were a betting lady I'd say the odds of just 1 or 2 being mature by Wednesday are pretty slim. Sigh......we want to hold on to some hope until Wednesday, but realistically it looks like this cycle will be another dress rehersal. The optimist in me says wait until Wednesday....you never know....so we will wait and cross our fingers.

The black circle like structures are the follicles.

A New Month a New Cycle

2009-09-10T21:40:00.000+10:00

September 5 bought with it Day 1 of IUI cycle #2.
I have finished my 5 days of Serophene 50mg. Like last cycle I have experienced some hot flushes and am just now (Day 6) starting to experience some twinges in the ovaries. We are scheduled for a TV Scan September 16 and the results of the scan will determine if we proceed to insemination.

August - A retrospective

2009-09-10T21:38:00.000+10:00

Day 1 of our first IUI cycle arrived early August and it was with great excitement we rang the nurses at the clinic to inform them and receive instructions on taking the serophene from Days 2-6. I was a little anxious as to the side affects of the serophene, but apart from a few hot flushes there wasn’t much else to write home about. Come Day 12 I could feel my ovaries – especially the right. Our scan showed 3 mature follicles and several smaller immature follicles on the right ovary. The Dr gave us the news that we could not proceed with the IUI this month due to the risk of triplets. With “cycle cancelled” stamped on our notes we were sent away with instructions to wait for day 1 of our next cycle and follow the same game plan. Whilst we understood we were disappointed with our false start. Since when did being an over achiever go against you?

We questioned the whole process for a few days:

Why do we need the drug stimulation – surely it’s quite clear my ovaries work well enough on their own. Wont the stimulated cycle waste another month of our all to precious time. In the end these people are experts in their field and you have to trust in them and their processes. The clinic wont alter medication/doseage based on one cycle as the over/under stimulation may be a one off. Our bodies can respond differently each cycle. We were told that if the ovaries were over stimulated in 2 consecutive cycles that they would cease the tablets and allow me to harvest my follicles naturally.

With our frustrations worked through, we were somewhat philosophical and positive in that too many follicles was probably better than none. We successfully put the rest of the cycle out of our heads and busied ourselves with work and socialising. Kylie was busy with basketball refereeing and there were several social gatherings that made the second half of the month wizz by.

Prologue

2009-09-10T20:29:00.000+10:00

Let us start our adventure by first setting the scene. How we got to this place has been a journey in itself. When Kylie and I first met we discussed kids – did we like them (yeah) and had we ever thought about having them (yep). We had both thought about having kids, but neither of us had found ourselves in a position or relationship where that went any further than those thoughts you find yourself ruminating over from time to time. So after some initial discussions we agreed that having a child together was a definite possibility for us, but down the track.

Down the track for us initially meant 2-3 years as being 37 at the time my biological clock was not going to allow us 5-10 years to settle in together, build up a real estate portfolio and own 2 cars outright!!

As time passed we talked of our future plans with others. Some of these discussions were with couples already well and truly entrenched in the fertility clinic process and some were with people who’d had kids later in life. These conversations led us to believe that this whole pregnancy business was not necessarily as straight forward as one would possibly think. We heard of stories where it took couples 3-5 years and thousands upon thousands of dollars to achieve their dreams of having a child. Others shared stories of birth defects and disabilities which were thought to be attributable to advanced maternal age. Eeeeeeeeek – we were starting to think that maybe we should look in to this sooner rather than later. So we researched the internet, read plenty of books and picked peoples brains………especially the ones who had been there and done that!!

Armed with heads full of information we booked in to see the GP in March 2009 to have a chat and get some advice about our next move. The Dr got all the preliminary tests underway and referred us on to Queensland Fertility Clinic. So our first WAIT began!! A 6 week wait to be precise……..not to bad considering we are in Townsville and there aren’t that many specialists on hand.

At times that 6 week wait seemed to drag and the week prior to our first appointment was a tense time for me. Whilst excited at the prospect of starting this adventure I was also filled with trepidation about what lay ahead. In the hours before our appointment I felt like a school girl waiting to be called in to the headmasters office. Not knowing whether I was receiving a pat on the back for good work or a rap on the knuckles for misbehaving.

The appointment itself was much like an interview for a job or so it felt. The relief I felt at its completion was immense. I felt like we’d passed the first stage and had been shortlisted for the second round of interviews. The second round of interviews included more blood tests for both of us and a mandatory couples counselling session before being able to proceed. We had a 2 week wait to see the counsellor and an 8 week wait until we could get in to the Fertility Clinic to find out what happened next.

The Dr advised us that all our tests came back fine and we could start proceedings as soon as we had picked out a donor and in conjunction with the start of my next cycle. Wow…..just like that we would be off and running!!

Before we could take our position at the starting blocks we had the task of picking out a donor that we were both happy with…….sounds easy…….think again. We both thought we’d be inundated with donor profiles which would take us weeks to pour over and short list our favourites. The cold hard truth was there were 4 Australian donors and 16 American donors to choose from. So pour over them we did. In our initial perusals we picked fault with just about every profile. This one had braces, that one wore glasses, this one had a receding hairline and that one had acne. None of these good samaritans was going to be good enough to be the father of our child. Okie Doke……take a step back for a minute…..I wear glasses, had zits and could have had braces!!! We had to lower our expectations to be somewhat realistic. So we did and came up with a top 2 candidates. Next step was to purchase said donor – fingers crossed they weren’t too popular and already “SOLD OUT”.

Kylie rang the sperm coordinator in Brisbane to see if our donor daddy was available – and yes he was. So how many vials do we get? If you are super keen and loaded with money – heck – buy all 10!! Whilst we were keen we are not “Loaded” so we got 3 vials for our suggested 3 IUI attempts. If were are not successful with the IUI’s we will look to try IVF and put a special order in for our donor at that time.

With the sperm on its way up from Brisbane, our next appointment was with one of the clinic’s nurses to go through the whole IUI process and get required scripts. Now we wait for day 1 of my next period. Although all my hormone levels were fine the process does require some mild drug stimulation of the ovaries so that they can be sure that you will ovulate. They don’t want to waste any valuable sperm if there is no egg to fertilize. This stimulation is by way of a tablet (Serophene – Clomid 50mg) from days 2-6 of your cycle. On Day 12 you have a TV scan (internal ultrasound) and if there are 1 or 2 mature follicles then Ovidrel injection 10pm Day 12 and insemination Day 14 then fingers crossed. Note: any more than 2 mature follicles the cycle is cancelled due to the risk of multiple births.