The next installment

Since we last posted we have had a few appointments with our Dr and an appointment with the clinic psychologist. Our appointments with the Dr were to go over our failed IVF cycle and to find out why he thought we weren't successful. Somewhat frustrated and despondent, we went armed with a list of questions and had a lengthy discussion with the specialist. Although Dr's never like to admit liability, our Dr felt the difficult embryo transfer may have been a factor in our failure. He suggested a Laparoscopy, Hysteroscopy, hydrotubation and endometrial biopsy with cervical dilatation if required. Given my previous endometriosis and fibroid removal there may be a few issues that need to be sorted. This surgery is scheduled for Monday afternoon. I guess we feel some level of satisfaction that something is being done, but at the same time a little annoyed that these examinations weren't considered initially before proceeding to IVF. Anyway as our psychologist says 'it is what it is' and no amount of mental dissection is going to change what has happened. All we can do is wait for the next piece of information (following Monday's surgery) and work from that. We will do our best, but it is hard - probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Two Weeks On

So, we are nearly two weeks on since being dumped on our arses and whilst we are doing ok, there is still very much a feeling of an apple that's been cored. A hollowness,frustration and anger that is difficult to move on from. We have been doing loads of research into various aspects of our treatment cycle that could possibly be improved and hope to discuss this with our specialist this week. Through the course of searching I stumbled across this poem which resonated strongly with both of us and I'm sure all of us could apply it to a multitude of situations.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will 
When the road your trudging seems all up hill
 When the funds are low and the debts are high 
 and you want to smile but you can only cry 
When care is pressing you down a bit 
rest if you must, but never quit 
Life is weird with its twists and turns
 as everyone of us sometimes learns
 and many a failure turns about 
when we might have won ...had we stuck it out
 Don't give up though the pace seems slow 
You may succeed with another go 
Success is failure turned inside out
 the silver tint of the 'cloud of doubt' 
You can never tell how close you are
 it may be near when it seems so far 
So stick to the fight with your hardest hit
 Because its when things seem worse 
YOU MUST NOT QUIT.. 

However, uplifting and inspirational this verse is, I will go to my grave smiling with a gorgeous friend's text message of support ringing in my ears:

"Sorry to hear your news - that's F-k'd - I wanna go punch God for yous"

Yeah - what she said!!

MegaDrop

It has taken us til now to get to the point of feeling like we want to blog about the events of this week. Our life has been like the MegaDrop ride at the Royal Show. Slowly lifted to the sky over the past 4-6 weeks and dumped on our arse in seconds on Tuesday when we found out our first IVF cycle didn't work. We have felt physically and emotionally gutted this week. After such a physical, emotional and financial investment it bites the big one to come away with next to nothing - words do not even come close when trying to describe how we feel. We have since found out that the difficult embryo transfer may have significantly affected our chances of success. So much so that our chances of implantation may have been reduced to 10%. Kylie is furious and I am oscillating between feeling despair and anger. Of course we need to move on as we still have a goal to achieve, but I must admit that I am finding it hard to pick myself up and dust myself off given we haven't yet had the opportunity to debrief with the clinic nurses and Dr about what has happened. This hopefully will happen in the coming week or two and we will then be able to re-focus on our plan with the remaining 2 iced NewVoes. Thankyou to everyone who has offered a empathic ear and support this past week. You have all been wonderful at a time when the right words are difficult to find.

Introducing Luke and Leia

Hi there folks. I had intended updating this blog within a day or 2 of Luke and Leia being transferred, but it has been a rough few days. Let's start with the transfer itself - there were a few problems passing through the cervix due to a "kink". Luke and Leia were none the wiser, but my cervix felt like it had 3 rounds with the great Cassius Clay!! After 15-20 minutes of mucking about, cervical clips and holding my butt up off the table the tiny two had found a comfy fold in my uterus. Anyway that hasn't been the worst of it!! Wednesday was the day 6 Pregnyl injection. Just as I thought I was on the mend, Thursday morning found me doubled over with cramps, vomiting and the squits. I was in so much pain I was sweating profusely and thought I was going to faint. Let me tell you, IVF is not for the faint-hearted, in fact I recall Kyvo saying she was glad it was me and not her as she would have had an ambulance on the way for her. So Thursday and the best part of Friday were spent on the couch. To add insult to injury we received a letter from the clinic saying we only had 2 Embryo's to freeze - this meant that the other 6 didn't make it. Talk about under whelmed given all the effort, but this is nature taking it's course and those 6 probably wouldn't have made it anyway. Saturday morning I felt a little brighter and of course this meant that day 9 Pregnyl injection was on the cards.The injection itself stings a little, but not too bad. It's the after effects which you wake up to the next day that bite the big one. Cramps, Nausea, unable to stand up straight due to pain and bloating!! Sunday and Monday I have not felt too flash, but tonight I have started sucking on some ice and have started to fell a little better. Couldn't come at a better time as I am due to fly to Brisbane tomorrow morning to work for the rest of the week. The positive is that there are no more needles until blood test day on Tuesday 4/5/2010. Just pessaries and cream now to keep the hormones kicking along - ah the joys of IVF hey girls!!

Well that's about the size of my stone for now. Below are some piccies of or much loved Day 5 Blastocysts and the other iced NewVoe's are in the deep freeze for now.

What a Week

I have been meaning to jump on-line and update the blog, as so much has happened. However, because so much has been happening I either haven't had time or haven't felt like it.

So let me back track a little. By blood test day 6/4 I was starting to feel quite full in the pelvis and somewhat bloated.The blood results checking my E2 levels were good so I stayed on the same dose of Gonal F which was 150iu every morning. Scan day was Tuesday 13/4 and this showed 14 mature follicles so Egg Pick Up (EPU) was scheduled for 10am Thursday 15/4. That night  (13/4) I had to have a trigger injection of Pregnyl 1500iu. Let me tell you - it stung like a Beeeartch!! On EPU day, feeling considerably bloated off  we went to Townsville Day Surgery where all the staff were fantastic. The past few days haven't exactly been a walk in the park recovering from the EPU, but survivable. I recommend a supportive, caring partner to look after you (thanks Kyvo), Panadeine, Panadeine Forte, Maxalon and a heat pack. At EPU and Embryo Transfer, you can only wash with non-perfumed soap and you are NOT to use any deoderant or perfumes, and nor is anyone you come in to contact with. Apparently the eggs, sperm and resultant embryo's are quite sensitive to these. At EPU they got 12 eggs, 8 of which have fertilized. We are thrilled - it's almost surreal to think that we have 8 potential babies. Tomorrow 20/4 is our day 5 Embryo Transfer. We are putting 2 Embryo's back to maximise the chances of conception. Fill you in on this after Luke and Leia have found their way into a comfy uterine fold. Below are some pictures of what the eggs look like post extraction, a Zygote (24hrs post fertilization) and a day 2-3 Embryo.

An Egg Hunt of a Different Kind

Where to start…..well I have been incredibly slack in updating our blog, but in my defence I have been reasonably busy with work, the start of IVF and Easter.

So, to the IVF update. Tuesday March 23^rd saw the start of the Synarel nasal spray. One puff in one nostril in the morning and one puff in the alternate nostril at night – to be administered exactly 12 hours apart. Cue the alarm!! I haven’t had too many problems with the spray to date. On a few occasions I have had a little bit of a hangover type head and the spray itself doesn’t taste that great when it runs down the back of the throat, but all in all no major drama’s. The spray is designed to stop the communication between the pituitary gland and the ovaries so that when the follicle stimulating drugs begin, it is the FSH that completely control what happens to the ovaries.

On Friday April 2 the Gonal F injections started. These are given once a day and help stimulate the ovaries to produce as many follicles (and eggs) as possible in one go. Sunday night I started to feel a little bloated and full in the pelvis – a good sign that the Gonal is doing its job in turning the normally walnut sized ovaries in to the size of oranges – lucky me!!

Today I had a blood test which tests for the Oestradiol levels in the blood. This level gives the clinic an indication of how well the ovaries are responding to the Gonal injections. We will get the results tomorrow afternoon and from these the dose of FSH is adjusted as required

The Stash

The Snort

The Jab

Babies Galore

Well it has been a while since either of us last posted on our blog. Busy - yes, not a huge amount to report - yes, slack - maybe a little!!

Anyways here I am with an update not only about where we are at with our journey, but with baby news that spans our enormous nation. Lets start with everyone else's news first (a bit more exciting than ours at this point!). January saw some very dear friends of ours welcome a gorgeous little girl in to the world. Lily was conceived on a first IVF attempt in 2009 and we have had the pleasure of spending some time with her and her Mum's this past week.

February has turned out to be "Baby Month". Friends of mine in Adelaide (Jo&Tim) had their second baby - Owen in the first week of Feb and just a few days ago Ben and Vee gave birth to a daughter Giselle. Also, friends Rachel and Glenn in Perth welcomed a boy, Taylor into their family after several difficult years of TTC and IVF (congrats guys you did it!!). However, it doesn't end there. Unexpectedly and 8 weeks early Kylie's brother and his wife delivered a small, but handsome young fellow called Jake (see below) in the wee small hours of Sunday night/Monday morning. Yep - Kylie is a first time Aunt and pretty darn chuffed about it all. The little fella has to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks so we haven't met him in person as yet, but as soon as we get the nod, a trip to Rockhampton is on the cards.

Now to our news - well we have spent the past couple of  months doing the usual day to day stuff we call life. In addition, we have visited the IVF Psychologist a few times to help prepare for the whole process which in essence began for us on Monday. I am now on the pill to help regulate my cycle and get it to fit exactly with our egg retrieval which is scheduled for April 14. Towards the end of March we will have to see the Nurses to get the nasal spray and hormone injections which will begin April 1.

In closing we would love to congratulate every one on their new arrivals and for those like us who are trying (IVF-ers in particular) -some advice passed on to us - 'live your life and oh, by the way you're doing IVF'.